Had been an eventful year.  I thank God on all that happens. There is no good or bad for all are for the better. I look to thee and i reckon You dictate my Future. All into you, my God.

In my poly days, my friend wrote a story – Finding Wind, I thought it was some indulgence flick. Well, maybe there are some sense to it and it’s actually a very lyrical story. I rewrite it.

Cloud crumbs twirled in; streaks of lightning slash the open field relentlessly. Fear and loneliness lurking on the other side of the wall. Will anyone come to me? Then I heard the wind howls and whistles through the crevices of the wall I’m lying on. “Wind, have you came to find me? Thanks,” I whispered through the trembles. Wind continues to howl, encapsulating me.

I was running across the field frantically, the kids were chasing me with their catapults. I ran with all my might, avoiding all the attacks, the hurts and shame. As my heart beats wildly and my legs that soften with every step i took, i found you, Wind. I knew you are here with me. No one will ever talk to me; no one will ever like me; you will. I feel you; I ran faster because every step I took is every moment you’re with me.

You plucked the red leaves, pathing the road to horizon. I adore your presence. Do you hide when you have problems? Why do you go missing? I ran down. And I got ya.

The autumn leaves crackles as the sky drizzles. I sat by the fence to hear wind talking to me. I thought that was what i wanted to do for the rest of the day until i started sneezing. Daddy says I gotta go home. The last wind blew. It blew. I know, gotta go, the last blow. Bye wind~

The season that ends after 30 days, I bid you farewell, but I know that every time I blow against the back of my hand, you are there. =)

My friend said he wanted to down pes after 3 months of bmt. He hates staying in camp. Me too.. I absolutely hate staying in camp. Waste of time. There is no need to stay in camp. 9 months of abhorrent staying-in. Anathema =x

Looking back at the checkpoints in life, i flunk everyone one of them. I knew i need to depend on God, I tried, and is it that’s why i flunk? It gaves me lots of qualms about working with the Infinite. I know I shan’t, but i just do.

May Love fills me once again. I choose to believe and deny all my evidence of existence.

天下无不散之宴席

But Somehow i’m still holding on to God’s promises, His words.  Today is just different – the air, the atmosphere, the feeling and every other mise-en-scene. As i watch the seconds ticking by, my breath gets heavier. I don’t want to think whatever is going to happen.

I just miss my friends, miss my “after 5″ freedom, miss my morning breakfast, miss my boss and all others i’ve gained over this period of haven. 

was listening to Jon Brion – Row.. Evokes some kind of thoughts.

Somehow in film, in the space of time, moods and sounds, I’ve found this realm – a void – where the inexplicable catharsis lies.  This final Solace in the midst of all disarray, i know, can only be from the One above. All Goodness and mercy will surely follow me for the rest of my days. I miss the space, the smell of the air, the morning feel and all the times i had.
God, more of you, less of me.

Dreams by the river weaving into one.
Fingers entwining in the fondling hunt
Promises upon the frailing flowers drizzle on my sanity
Exhilaration surging, overwhelms all my vanity

Passion ceases, Infatuation dies 
Admendments are only right in your eyes.
Silence seals the pensive nights
Endless thoughts delving into nought.

Once together
I thought we had
All the moments shared
i hope you never hated less

Life itself can’t make any perfect sense, and that to me is perfection.

Complete perfection is a flaw that can’t be mend, like an amiss which cant be found.

Well, I first watched Little Miss Sunshine, now Juno. They are both beautiful to me.

Little Miss Sunshine:
- Abigail, a kid who dreamt to be little miss sunshine.
- Bro is a pilot-wannabe
- Dad is an inspired motivational speaker
- grandpa is drug addict

- Grandpa died happily Oded
- Dad’s motivational movement is a complete flop
- Bro had color blind
- The family soon realises that Abigail, a suburban kid, will soon be a laughing stock as she 
   dances on the little miss sunshine stage.

People wanted their kid to learn ballad, learn singing, play violins and piano, erm.. whatsoever..

Grandpa taught Abigail some kind of “naughty sensual” dance which earns much disapproval from the crowd. Realizing that this can be detrimental to Abigail’s psychological growth, the family run up the stage and starts dancing with her, making this whole embarrassment less repugnant.

This is life! Everyone wants us to conform to something – Violin, piano, ballad, high-paid jobs, respectable occupations, cultures, arts and all that. I mean, why can’t we do what we like? Why do we have to earn the approval of the mainstream?

Reaping the beneficials and harvests. What are the beneficials and harvests, and according to who are they beneficials?

Paul Dano made a comment: Life is one big beauty contest. **** this beauty contest. If I want to fly, i’ll fly.

Abigail lost her little miss sunshine paegant contest, but the whole family came to an epiphany (very much like any other films – The Epiphany) – Life is only sad because we live up to the expectations and approval of this world, we don’t need to achieve anything and can yet be happy.

Contrasting against our reality.. isn’t it?

Juno is a mother out of wedlock. So Juno recognises that she can’t take care of the baby; thus, she gives the baby up to a well-to-do couple. Eventually the couple fell apart. But she still gives the baby to the foster mother despite the perfect family wishes she had for her child. June solves her issue and leads her life happily.

Selfish huh? But at least the foster mother is better equipped. As messed up as life may seems at times, It’s never messed up.

To all who want to have kids please consider the followings:

- Raising 1 kid to working adult will cost around $250k
- Waking up in the middle of the night at 1 hours interval for your infant
- Spending time at home on a sunday afternoon when what you really want was a relax shopping
- Looking after your kids when instead of catching up with old friends
- Giving up your own life because your devilish kids are your life.
- Saying “no!” to whatever materials you want because of kid’s future in mind
- The expectations and requirements just go on and on

I hate dosmestic conflicts: they are one of the dumbest thing that can ever grip your emotions.
Imagine yourself quarrel over uncleaned plates or whose duty is it to take the kids out. As if that’s what life all about.

One can never love his/her partner passionately forever.

Passion ceases, infatuation dies.

But the fact of life remains - expectations and demands did not go down with the passion that ceases. Strained relationships are almost inevitable and logical in a journey sort of a relationship process.

I’m not trying to justify any acts from any parties, i’m just trying to understand how scary divorces and strained relationships evolved.

All i can say is, I promise to be a Godly husband, loving my wife faithfully and dearingly in sort of an innocent and puerile way. Let me and my love be pure and true.

Put those self-abstracted & self-amusive eulogies into oblivion, I wanna talk like everyone else except reporting my daily whereabouts.

So… yes. Right now, i’m thinking why not blogspot?

Angela Hayes: I don’t think that there’s anything worse than being ordinary

That’s a line from american beauty..

Why not ordinary? Because of the gratification by expressing one’s uniquity, a probable outward rendition of inner self? Maybe, it’s the pride that quenches the void – feeling superior because you have what others don’t.

I just want to be what i am, jus marvelled at the wonders of life rather than knowing every single thing – knowing why i don’t use blogspot.

(My post is an irony isn’t it? This is who i am, and this is what i marvel at)